can't believe it's been nearly a year since i wrote anything here. It feels like only a handful of months passed since posting in this news section, but I know it's been longer than that. A doublethink kind of feel where I know it's been almost a year, but yet it doesn't feel like it.

Same time good chunk of my dreams have been way too cryptic and borderline prophetic again. not in a bad way, but knowing that track record it's kind of like bracing yourself for impact with someone about to rear end you. where you die, but you're awake in another timeline because your consciousness switched over to a favorable outcome. I've been doing much more cult research and some personal things, so lines are blurred sometimes...

By the end of the month it'll be me n my wife's one year anniversary. Pretty nuts considering the handful of risks that pertained to that. It's more funny than anything when she saw a lot of the tax benefits, lower car insurance, and making more money at work based on marital status. Seeing that and knowing years from seeing tax documents on dependants it's always kind of funny seeing people freak the hell out about marriage. Same breath they get weird about it, but will end up within the pits and become exactly what they made fun of. It's really easy to end up with a total asshole/weirdo. I've been with that lot, so much where you fall into a complacency with it because you're sex drive is nonexistent and it's become convenient to have a cunt who you can say is your significant other, but there's no love there. it's not the ideal arrangement to be. sex is always overrated anyway and the amount of people who have no clue, or an inflated ego of being a sex monster is staggering. you're better being by yourself and achieving a legacy that doesn't require blood. online footprint doesn't always count unless it oozes into irl scenarios.

Can honestly for sure say i made the right choice, not that I had any doubts the first time we moved in together back in 2019, her moving states (u haul lesbian jokes here) and a really murky future with acceptance with family. It's been really nice, and she's become the more grounded one keeping some of my neurotic episodes ironed out. We never did the wedding dress or anything, not that any of us were into that. neither family ever did corpo shithead paypig weddings. everyone's different, but I've been seeing more and more get bent out of shape over fairly new concepts in matrimony and nuclear family and relationships that are a result in a breakdown of ancient arrangements that worked for the longest time, but it doesn't benefit malevolent forces.

I posted the cover a few months ago, but I received a grant from zinefest houston for a proposal of a soft biography/my own personal autism soup of spiritual beliefs. A small bit of it is admittedly a tasteful spitting in the face of those who've seen my work as a threat, or for personal reasons has issues with me. such the case for anything art related. I was talking with a friend/client who's annoyed i don't mark up my work more. And honestly it would be very nice, but after years of doing that it's just not feasible. Hell the mavathatos books move out slow despite being normal priced books. but someone's is going to spend more on Demon Slayer than some cunt's bizarre occult fiction. Art sales are gas money and to supplement dayjob wages. it's an okay arrangement, and thins are very slowly going back to pre covid in terms of shows and events. Much of the artworld here is (and all really when you look at it) is seeped with politics and some real hidden shit with covert superstitious figures who larp in some belief that gives you a family friendly image. It's a scene i despise and quite frankly childish and wicked. the "true indie" group (when I mean that i man very close knit, queer, and any lesbo fetishists are kicked out) do not have much space income, but support among each other is always wonderful and it's something i've not regretted going towards. Neither do I regret my choice with avoiding directly working with the schools. I've seen peers I have to talk to that are connected to work age horrible with what's going on in the public school system, plus race games where it's just not worth it. I've avoided a relapse for the last 4 years and I want to keep it that way. A failed marriage isn't an achievement i'm looking to add in my arsenal of mistakes.

Anyway, Skeletal hallucination is available for purchase. I know eventually I'll post all 54 pages here, but if you're interested in the comic, or other shit i've been listing please take a look at my store.

https://linktr.ee/rubbberneck

I think it's a relic of a different time of the internet, I tend to treat this as a blogpost. Sometimes it gets vague, sometimes it's personal. It's really neat having kids "rediscover" shit you saw online back in 2004.

Kids are funny, alot of work but they're hilarious. With things the way they are I don't know if kids are in our future, but i'm at a point where I have a pseudo apprenticship with my older students who have picked up on my methods. A begining of a legacy is there with the shit I do at work and that area of the city. That and my body of work will suffice if children are not viable. recent events have been funny with the overturning on abortion shit. I've been involved with childcare since i was a kid myself and have worked at abortion crisis hotlines. It's always the whore argument pointed at the womb bearer, but you can't call these guys hoes. just from what I've seen it's never a fun situation and it's always a last ditch effort of "i literally have no support and could possible be screwed" or a case of your partner screaming "baby trapping" when it was a total accident and deserting you. The best phonecalls were guys playing fair weather fug lamenting possible fatherhood. i've just been utterly disgusted at the amount of men laughing calling those who are upset at this whores and morons where they're stuck in forever 21 peterpan syndrome shitposting on the chans or plebbit and doing nothing for their own community.

shit's bullshit and the gas/food prices are bullshit. have your bugout bag and your shit in order. in the grand scheme of things you have to worry about your own family. also hygiene shit. people tend to forget that shit

I'm rambling, alot has been going on over here. Some good, some really surreal. The type where you realize the whiplash of karma is fucking real and it's multiplied 10 fold. It's not worth to laugh at, but all i can say is make your peace and be safe. Thanks for reading and for the 12 years here on Newgrounds. :)

How's that for one hell of an eye catcher.

It's true, my now fiancee and I had some long talks with career changes on her end and future plans and we decided to just say fuck it and tie the knot. i got a ring coming in the mail with what small funds she has and with this change things are going to work a hell of a lot better. since she's enlisting we're getting this nonsense over with in the court house. i never wanted a bigass wedding and stress out about the rest of my life with someone i don't hate nor freak out about a pay piggy industry. To each's own who want to do that stuff, doesn't jam well with me and my fiancee.

Are there risks? of course, but i always felt my best decisions were the most riskier ones. Even the ones where things didn't go 100% or were terrible. i don't regret anything I've done that ended bad, or the things that Newgrounds has led me. I've like seen so many people and become friends with so many here it's really nice.

Well we're going to the courthouse soon and If anyone feels compelled to buy some of my merch or books or shirts go ahead. Any extra really goes towards taking care of my family and things I need!

https://linktr.ee/rubbberneck

been promoted to lead teacher over at work earlier so that's been nice. A couple of flakers with buying art but that's whatever. I shared all my friends this news so I wanted to share that with you all.

thanks for listening to my ramblings over the years and the support my last 11 years of newgrounds. without this site man i dunno where i would be at.

love you all.

Reading too much into shit and i'm starting to see those shadow men again. they wear the old cotton sweaters my dad used to wear in the early 90's.

Been nearly a year since I posted anything in this section. i have my job back and pretty much got a soft promotion and other stuff so that's cool. the gallery i did so many shows and the record shop closed for good. i really miss that record shop because they had one of the best goth/industrial selections without going all the way in a 2+ hour commute for music. The half price by the art museum is closed down too which really stinks because my local friends and I have found vaporwave shit there, a great occult/lgbt selection, and it was a regular hang out for me and my gf. they're going to make overpriced town homes there and yet continue to have the shitty car wrecking holes in the road.

Last post i wrote about the masks, shirts, and other pins. they're already made and they came out great. if anyone wants one just click the links in the bio of mine here.

there was also that freeze that totally fucked up the house right now. it looks like it's getting gutted along with so many of the houses in my area.

There's more pictures but it's just really annoying to deal with. Almsot 2 weeks no water and a week no power or something like that. just glad to have running water but damn the insulation is eveywhere and annoying to deal with. Some people bought shit and it was really apreciated cause i was able tp pick up some things for my family during this whole shitshow so thank you for that.

i'm getting another pin made toyou can see what i picked out. talking with the manu right now as i'm typing this. Depending on things the pin will be like 10 bucks. using rose gold for the metal.

Book 2 came out last year around october of Mavathatos and for sure same time book 3 will be out. book 2 ended up being much longer than I expected. over 300 pages but it's like what 20 year timeline? maybe 14. it's a lot to cover. i had some people ask for the link. in my profile I linked the amazon link to it, bUT if you want to buy the physical copies and my poem book too from me you can jsut dm me or send me the cash on my paypal rubbberneck@outlook.com or on my venmo @Rubbberneck (the derp looking sasuke icon is me) or hell even cashapp $rubbberneck.

Book 1 mavathatos is $15

book 2 mavathatos is $25

the dead angels poem book is $12

i can ship to canada fine, it's other countries i'm not sure of. if you're not in the usa/canada message me to see if you're able to receive stuff from the states. if there's also stuff you want directly from me that i've posted here or my store just email me. you can ask people here i try to sneak goodies and other shit in the packages. if i take too long with sending stuff i'm sorry! too much has been going on.

i'm pretty glad despite the board at work being stupid with the covid situation my boss is supportive. last year threw a huge monkey wrench in a lot of plans but if things go well i'll be back where i left off plan wise January of last year.

i don't really have anything else to add, but thanks for reading and for all the front pages on all the dumb shit i make. and thanks for those who comment on my webcomic. even if i don't respond i read everything and i have a habit of either responding really fast or taking my ass time.

take care <3

What's it's been like 2 months the last time I posted, I've not worked since then. Job has no clue when they're going to open, and a few places are seesawing around reopening or not. I think June, worst case August will have some sort of normalcy. We'll see, this shit's been taking it's toll I've been having more headaches and weird night terror eps that are creeping back.

A few of the great things about this was getting a shitload of inking done and some projects that I has on the back burner for a year. One of them was that poem book I posted a few weeks ago: Dead angels. For a few years now I've been saving these quips of poetry. Some I don't remember writing, and some I do. It was really weird gathering the old art I wanted in the book, and making some new illustrations. A bit cathartic since it dealt with some heavy shit. That book you can buy from amazon, which to be honest i'm not a fan of the company but i've gotten so much bullshit with my writing getting denied having the ability to have it self published and getting some $$ out of it is nice. if anyone has any suggestions for other sites let me know!

Dead angels book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0875YMZ7L

Some other stuff too if you follow my twitter and instagram! I've had a shirt project, 2nd pin project, and a face mask project on the back for months due to cherubs and mavathatos taking some huge importance during my free time. I spent the last 2 weeks gathering stuff for these projects and I'm really excited about these projects.

I drew this design around November and since I had time I decided to get proofs and an estimate for these. They're HUGE like 3 inches and there's like 50 of the silver, and 50 of the gold. I listed a pre order since I'm out of work I just don't have enough to order them myself compared to the other manufacturer I had to pay since they waited the longest. If anyone wants to reserve a spot I'll link it below here, it really means a lot.

https://rubberneck.storenvy.com/products/30295840-preorder-mavathatos-and-the-necromancer-3-inch

Another pre order I listed earlier today was the face masks! Anyone looking in my lore knows about CHEMA and his face mask he wears to stay in his humanoid form. Same with cherubs (I've alluded to that). I made a more intricate design and found a place that doesn't charge so much for orders. I'm going to be making 100 of these for $7, if you want to reserve one for yourself click the link below. They're those cotton face masks you'd see at cons. I'm nto sure if I'll have enough to pay the makers quick so pre orders would help big time.

https://rubberneck.storenvy.com/products/30296173-preorder-angelic-seal-face-mask

The last preorder I listed it a bit more complicated. I used to hand make my shits 100% with a silk screen and everything. I don't have space for that anymore, plus the local place I used to get my shirts from changed the clothing blend. I'm not a fan of the polyester/cotton blend. It irritated my skin, i like making stuff I think would be comfy for me and everyone else. I'd love to do a bigger shirt run, but I just don't have the money for it. I'm getting a grant from the city because working artists are getting at least something, and i don't know if it'll pay for a bigger order of 25 shirts. I lsited the small preorder link to see if anyone wanted to preorder. they're 100% cottom shirts and really comfy. My job used these local guys (custom ink) for our organizations shirt and they're really comfortable. plus supporting local is the way to go. if youwant to preorder the mava shirt go for it! link is below!

https://rubberneck.storenvy.com/products/30295969-preorder-there-is-no-heaven-for-you-shirt

Along with that is another big bone update. I went with doing mammal bones for the longest time, and for the last year i've been working with these alligator vertebrae and last night I just finished them. They're similar to the deer bones with the quartz, but a different brand of paint and a glossier uv finish. They came out really pretty check it out

i just listed these too! They're like $20 and I only have 12 available. If you want one now's the chance.

(pardon my nails and hands btw :(

https://rubberneck.storenvy.com/products/30298648-alligator-vertebrae-pendants

and i made some earrings from some gems/shells I had. Nickel free too cause i'm sensitive to metals ans so are a lot of people. probably one of the cheapest things I have next to the stickers and zines. They're 5 bucks if anyone's interested.

https://rubberneck.storenvy.com/products/30289777-nickel-free-stud-earrings-pick-from-all-kinds-of-gems-shell

This post just seems like a BUY MY SHIT I NEED $ didn't it? Kinda ended up this way, so my apologies. I'm just preparing for the worst case scenario as I'm job hunting/waiting to hear back from my other job. not to mention trying to make more updated merch when festivals are back. How's everyone doing so far? I hope it's not as stressful, it's a hard thing not to stress about. Thinking of this as a time to catch up on ink, projects, and improvement on a craft really helps. Hope people in the states got their trumpbux. if you didn't just message me and I can help. I was able to help a ton get their check even if they didn't get their taxes. I don't know if the window to get it is gone,but I'm happy to help.

Took one of my cats to the vet, the grey one my dad wanted to keep but i'm pretty much taking care of. He acts like a dog and since he was beat up so much as a baby he's all wobbly and can't really run. Great cat though, he's really sweet. With all the special needs animals I've had/fostered it's not a big deal. My dog is getting older too and it's sad to see. I've had her since I was 17, been tough with her stubborn personality but I love my animal buds. Gf is job hunting too but we're managing. I think that's also why i've been doing updates to the store everyday. Deleted my etsy too, there was like 0 traffic to is and I was loosing money having that. Storenvy isn't perfect but it had much more exposure.

Those who read this whole post thanks a ton, all the support all the years has meant so much, even if it's been a little. i hope everyone stays safe and things settle down! Night. <3

Sometimes things have a real shaky start, but ends good in it's own way. It makes sense after a certain period of time.

Also having people vilify your choices by talking about a path you almost took and their regrets is nice to hear. Not to brag about "oh fuck you I made the better choice." It gives you an idea of another timeline, if that makes sense.

My work merged with another art program that's been going downhill since the 90's. Funny enough I used to go to their free classes when we were struggling back around 97-99. Out of the shitty people that left one I'm pretty sure taught me, and she was a massive ass. She's not put together brain wise, it's surreal. I'm not angry, but it's just weird seeing someone from your past you never thought you see again. We have another lady named Kat who's this tough Navy bitch, she's great and always tells us about the more "normie" art shows that we could sell stuff at. I was talking to her while getting ready for a class and her story had me reflecting the last 2 weeks. She wanted to do art (she was a kiddo in the 60/70's) and her father did NOT want that and pressured her to do what he wanted, which was going into the navy. She did that, but was lamenting how she felt she would be doing better with her art if she took that risk. There was some resentment in her tone, and she wasn't even fond of her navy experience. I got pressured to go into the army. I wasn't sure how shit would work out and some classmates were going that route. I wasn't sure how i'd make any of the art shit work, but it's been getting a hell of a lot better despite me grumbling about sales. It really was seeing and alternate version, complete with the "you be a doctor or a lawyer" talk she got decades ago. she does good art , and she appreciates the vet discounts.

I don't know, I like to type stuff here and leave it be before I change my mind, most of what goes on is around here anyway. There's nothing to hide and it's nice to get some feelings out and avoid the old bottling up bullshti again. props goes into recent events with this corona shit.

It figures something like this happens during tax season. It's weird, last month at a show I was vending at some of us were really skeeved out with the corona virus talk. We saw a girl I usually vend next to leave early cause she was sick. Regular flu stuff, but it set us on the edge. Funny enough I just bought my mom a costco membership to help her out and her first experience was seeing the panic buyers hoard all the fucking toilet paper and lysol wipes. Yesterday all the Gatorade and milk was gone. What's the store status with some of you? It's a bit surreal, but it's more stressful job wise.

I teach kiddos in my dayjob and people are scaring the shit out of them. A bunch of my 2nd graders were asking me if they're gonna die, which isn't fair for those kids. 80% of my kids come from really fucked up homes and/or have absent parents or ones that are nurses and need these programs to keep their kids safe. This whole week was us trying to figure out of we should continue our spring break week activity for the kids or just stay home. Here's the shit part: since we're contracted we don't have paid leave. On top of taxes (I posted the snippit of that shit on my twitter). my boss is trying to figure out some stuff since we all have bills to pay, people to take care of, and taxes. My coworker's husband does a lot of media events in houston and a good chunk of them are cancelled. He's trying to find work right now. Things are crazy.

I updated my storenvy, dropped prices, and added some stuff I'm willing to part with and I need to sell some stuff! So many of us are scrambling to find something for income and sell our art. I'm sorry I can't offer any deals or sales, but I hope the price drops are okay. I try to be reasonable with pricing, but man I got to make some cash I got things to take care of. I promise I'll include some free goodies too. My spongecunt pins are listed there on a good price. If you're not comfy with storenvy we can work with paypal privately.

the pin

Mavathatos Book two will be coming later this year, I have everything mapped out and all the illustrations drawn and posted here. I was originally going for August, but I'm probably aiming for Sept/Oct. Book 1 is still available though! You can buy it on the amazon link.

Storelink: https://rubberneck.storenvy.com/

Amazon Book (Mavathatos 1): https://www.amazon.com/dp/1686919077

Even if you can't buy anything I really do appreciate reviews, comments, and just reading my stuff. It's been 10 years on this website and it's been an interesting ride. I met some people for better or worse had an impact on my stuff. I wouldn't be friends with some people or done certain things without this website. It's really interesting how a site does that, hadn't had anything like that since my tokyopop/deviantart days. I wanted to make a post the anniversary of making an account here, but I was just so busy with work. It's been surreal, and sometimes I can't what's real or what I remembered actually happened or was some catatonic episode. I've been doing loads better every since mid 2018 and I hope that stays somewhat consistent.

Anyway thanks for reading and hope everyone stays safe. Thanks for the continued support!

I don't remember when's the last time i posted, the last 5 months have really zoomed past with way too many things going on and facing quite a bit of disassociation and trying to keep a relapse from occurring.

i'm in the middle of transitioning jobs and I was fortunate to not quit my current one as this place has been dragging their feet, and other places having a domino effect on some of my applications. I had a few days where I was in a daze just wondering why I'd want to sacrifice a lot for teaching at these schools in this area. I do classes for kids in an afterschool art program and I really love doing that because I have so much more room with flexibility, how i teach the kids, and a lot of support. pay is shit and no benefits but the schools have been a shit show and I've found myself in a bit of a personal crisis. Ive always done art and writing and yea it's been really hard to make myself be heard. If I didn't have this I know I'd be dead by now. My gf has been the most supportive person right now and idk how i'd be without her. She's settled in moving with all the nonsense with changing states. I'm fine I've been iffy but I'll be okay, really busy with a lot of things and a digital residency and shows. It's good to be busy but I wonder if the teaching thing in public schools is the way to go anymore.

So I think it was almost a year ago I was writing the first 39 pages of the personal first run of the Mavathatos book. It went well, but I realized it was way too short and needed some filling. Some more things were added to flesh out the beginning part since I divided up the whole story into 4 volumes. After all the mess I fixed shit up and I have Volume 1 of Mavathatos available through amazon. I'll put a kindle version soon, that's apparently a different format I have to adjust for the manuscript. Anyway digital version coming soon, the physical copies are $15 dollars and it'll include the black and white illustrations in a 106 page book along with some quips I never posted online. Kindle version i'm not sure how much it will be. I'll keep you all updated on that.

You can get it here: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1686919077

I also had another influx of followers here, and I want to say hello to those guys too. Hope everything I do is good for you guys. I don't update this part as much due that isn't cherubs due to some things. If any of you guys bought a book would be amazing. Support from you guys has been great in the past and it's always been amazing to have some awesome fans.

Hope you guys have a good night and thanks for reading!

So I foolishly didn't write down why I titled my post "butt chicken" 2 months ago so I'm going to rectify that today along with some huge announcements. Butt chicken was a dumb dream I had awhile back I posted on a discord server I'm on so i'll just post the screenshot below explaining this dumb dream.

I don't have those dumb dreams often and they're usually either really stupid, or some horrible nasty shit. I kept thinking I had this dream last year but damn it really was only in January.

Anyway the last two months (or really December have been a whirlwind if I ought to be honest) have had a lot of things happen in such a short span of time. Pretty sure I got axed out of something due to personal reasons, but that’s ok. I had someone write a song for me for my webcomic The Cherub Brothers which will be a coming project in the next few months, and have been making strides in selling off a good chuck of old work. Still at my current job, and lots of insanity going on with the local ISD’s here and wanting to really stay away from all that nonsense. I do apologize for missing cherub updates I’ve been working on special pages for later chapters, and sometimes I have this wave of depressive funk where I’m just stuck and can’t really do anything. They’ve gotten much better to manage but it’s something that comes and goes but Cherubs is still going strong.

I also have found someone very special in a different way it’s hard to explain. We reach a point where even though the amount of time is kind of short with what’s been going on it makes it more surreal. We finish our thoughts which I never really had 100% with anyone, similar experiences, alike and different and I’ve found myself with someone I think I might have been looking for. I tend to mull over things and think this kind of relationship carefully. More so due to personal experiences and fibs. You know that whole spiel where someone wants that commitment but changes once they obtained sex. Things happen but honesty I think is something people don’t want to use for fear of admitting things or afraid they don’t get what they want. I only speak for what I’ve observed I know others are different. I remember we talked about that 20 year old expiration date and some other things which made this whole thing a bit more surreal since I really could be 100% myself and not have the other project their own troubles or other nonsense.

Before I get sappy about my partner I’ll cut to the meat of this. My partner is moving here to Houston next month. I’m meeting their family and we will be driving back to my place. Since I’ve lived in the family house we will be getting our own place sometimes perhaps this year or depending on our work situation. In the meantime I’m trying to clean house and sell as much art as possible. If anyone is local of course there will be discounts! I’m in the process of finding a better paying non contracted job and any money will be used for our new place and the furniture and dishes we will be needing!

Inks that are 9x12 are always 25 bucks, zine prices are listed on my twitter and instagram, watercolors and paintings are a different story so be sure to DM me. DO NOT buy through my storenvy! They’re raising the market percentage to 15% and recently sold all my deer/coyote jaw necklaces so be sure to message me what you would like to make sure I have it! And again the support is amazing thank you so much you all for everything.

Other than that, it’s been alright vending at goth clubs and other places. Putting things together and getting shit all together for next month! Anyway thanks everyone for reading and commenting over the last few years. It’s meant a lot!

With love <3

the amount of times you have to repeat youself to convince yourself you're okay, you have to stop and realize you're really not ok. it's fine now.

I like to go through older posts I make here to reflect on things and confront shit that was going through my head the time i wrote it. i don't really like deleting posts, the only time i did was teenager shit off of deviantart that talked about stupid movies. even if you delete nearly all of your stuff will end up archived. be careful what you say it'll always be online or inside of your heart.

I wanted to make a post before 2019 rolled around due to a huge influx of followers from a few accounts, but I had way too much on my mind and scrapped a bunch of things I wrote down. It's now february, i'm going to be 27 in a few days. I used to have a big circle of girls I associated with who'd freak out about reaching that age. More so without a significant other or children in their lives. Their expiration date is edging closer. it's really dumb, of course it'd be disingenuous to say it doesn't get to you. Pretty much 95% of my former colleagues have just started to have children or engaged/married. it is something I've desired, but on the other hand i still have my freedom to travel and haven't fallen into the trap of accidental babies. A bit of a trade off considering the last few years.

i heard someone say that don't regret doing something you wanted, that it wo't be exactly what you wanted, but you'll be glad you did it and do not regret it. i've been feeling like that towards the end of 2018, i'm enjoying being alone and not having my time wasted and growing proejcts and finishing things. it's been really nice.

to all new followers hello! you found my page and want to say thanks for following and supporting. I don't like to shill too much, but I do have a store and have a ton of things such as inks, zines, and bone jewelery. I don't really do donations since I've just never been comfortable with taking money unless I'm offering a product in return. I do have a store here: https://rubberneck.storenvy.com/

or just message me directly. I don't really have any vices I blow money on, plus booze is expensive and it's too costly too keep up with it, any purchase or support means a bunch. I'll end the plug there.

If you noticed the amount of mavathatos covers posted the last few months yes i'm working on a 4 book part novella of mavathatos. the look for the covers is based on the underground occult books you find on some serious rituals or the satanic rites you can find in the metaphysics section of a half price book store. the whole story is really about a necromancer messing with things due to greif and mava's adventures after yericho drops dead. you pretty much have a good chunk of the story already through last year and late 2017. I have booklets of mavathtos already out. they're teh first run so some changes for the cover and some pages are going to happen before the final product. It's over 50 pages long and some art so if you would like a copy ($10) dm me.

I made a ton other bone shit too that's available check out my instagram (@Rubbbernecking) for some more stuff.

funny enough i never did get that money from that fraud charge. I was able to recover myself. hard as shit but i was able to do it. Ended up sinking some money into my car but it's ok! It's all good so far the first month has started out pretty well so i'm good.

again welcome new followers and thank old ones for the support! <3

You know It’s never intentional I leave these journals empty for over a year and not post anything. Considering I was doing that a lot and slowly quieting myself in these journals bothered me. I feel I should post something new in regards to the projects I’ve been doing and some vagary regarding personal life. And an attempt to shill and sell some of my art to clear some space and pay for some things coming up. An maybe talk about a few things. Some argue I get too personal, but I like having this stuff written down. Never talk about people, just shit that goes on with my brain and events. People have another place and I like keeping that level quiet. Everyone’s opinions vary with that, and that’s fine.

It’s been a bit of a busy time since I last posted. I haven’t really been doing so hot since the beginning of 2017 and I’ve kept that quiet for a very long time because I’ve felt embarrassed and letting that part affect friendships and work. Probably not for the best because it let to a massive breakdown back in April this year and hoping I didn’t break anything in the process. I mean now it’s funny to look back at it since I had Tetsuo the Iron Man playing while that was going on. With people that I’ve come to regard as very close they assumed it was a few things that led to it, or thinking it was related to them. I’m very used to dealing with these types of breakdowns alone, more so since the last bad one was way back in 2012/13. The fact I had another one was very troublesome and even now I’m still upset with myself I relapsed in the ED and the self harm on my knees. This time I had people kinda talk to me to make sure I didn’t go off the deep end too much. Now it’s fine I’ve been a lot more level headed, despite some things going down and ending something that went on so so many years. But with that a start of something new that’s a bit scary and just concerned with how it would work out. at this point you go along with it and hope for the best and being open with feelings and shit. Too many things get lost in writing and voicing just being honest and talking is super helpful. with all not just with your significant other but with friends and coworkers and whatnot. I’ve been on/off writing this so I lost y train of thought.

I think to keep it short is that I’m scared and anxious as fuck but haven’t been level headed and curving the drinking in awhile and I like the feeling it’s freeing. And not feeling scared of being 100% to those I care about.

I’ve been pretty open about that for a few years now since a lot of my work kind of deals with that and the night terrors/hallucinations that have happened since I was young. Some argue it’s putting yourself out there, but I say it really helps. I’ve had some very special friends which made getting my shit together a much easier process. Of course a few fights, a few people not wanting to see loved once go through the hurt you may suffer opening your innards to someone and to have vinegar poured all over them.

I don’t remember where I was going with the earlier stuff. Just doing better and it’s a nice change instead of having the frequent episodes of staying in bed all the time. On that last month someone got a hold of my pin from a gas station and took $2,000 from my savings and the last two weeks have been financially stressful. Bank said latest the 15th this month I should have it back. I can save I’m used to working with nothing and thankfully found a much cheaper vet for my dog.

It has been annoying as all hell trying to sell some more work. I made a post about it on my instagram, so I’ll make it here too.

I have a ton of work both canvas paintings, watercolors, and a TON of ink drawings I’m looking to get rid of. I’ll keep it short and sweet for the paper works because I need to make space and in need of some money.

Inks- $30 (9x12), $50 (11x14) $75 (14x16 and bigger) anything below 9x12 is pretty much 20 bucks depending on the detail.

Watercolor prices vary, but those really big 22x30 ones are gonna b like $275 and anything around that size will vary depending. Really for anything that’s not ink just DM me any questions. I like dealing with PayPal better because my storenvy account tacks on an extra “Storenvy fee” and it’s annoying as hell but PayPal is easier and of course I always throw in extra goodies.

Have been lax updating art here, but the most active places are my twitter and instagram (@rubbernecking) and post the most recent work there. I really use twitter for smash bros and jo jo memes alone with comic and artworks stuff.

Been doing a lot of great stuff with @SpencerXavier the Kero hero video came out this week and very happy that’s finished go check it out in the video section of either me and his profiles.

Still have that same job I’m working at and been hoping for more hours, that and recent events and the fraud charge have been putting me on edge and shilling and pushing to sell more work’s been at a high, but with all that I’m very thankful for new followers, old ones, and close buddies that have been there for me.

Hope you all have a good night.

There comes a point where you ask how much does real life bleed into your subconscious and affect your dreams. If you ask me you know you have some things to deal with when some faceless person in your dreams says you’re angry all the time.

Germany has passed, school is back, and a few other things are going on as September is beginning to end, along with the impending end of the year 2016. There’s quite a bit I want to say before I disappear and shovel out work in vain hopes of making some form of profit. I wanted to make a post-Germany note on the whole experience I’ve wanted to do for 3 years (according to someone, I loose track of time when I don’t sleep) but I didn’t feel I was able to gather my thoughts properly and spew diarrhea from the mouth.

POST GERMANY

The whole experience was something else; I was impressed how everyone in the countryside took Sundays off no question asked. It’s something I only see local chik fil a  and hobby lobby joints do. There was a sort of peace and flexibility to really touch on some of the dark tomes I’ve always wanted to do, but couldn’t figure out how to execute it without coming off as some edgelord.

The last few years a common theme with dreams have been about teeth falling out, female cuckolding, rape, the fear of settling for mediocrity for a partner, shameful fetishes, and a pleasurable numbing experience of the jaw that’s a mix of your leg falling asleep and masturbating. Ever since April there was a lovers theme as a reaction to life events, I feared I was trading off some of the darker roots of inkwork in favor for something very precious. That lover’s series is still around, sometimes it manifests into something violent, other ones are a bit more private and I debate whether to convert them into full fledge paintings, of perhaps a comic.

With a shoddy Internet connection and the quiet of the countryside that’s uncommon where I live I was able to combine the light ambiguity and the dark themes and push what I can get away with and try to deal with the violent dreams.

I had this paranoid manic tell me that rape dreams don’t mean anything because someone is already doing the act, your mind is trying to tell you what’s going on while in REM sleep. If that were the case I probably would have a few rape children and changed locks a few times. It’s a silly idea, but it’s enough to keep you up in thought with that person constantly saying that. It makes an interesting idea to work with, and now that I’m back in this campus that’s strange about sex and nudity I’m pushing for a more subliminal form of neuroticism, violence, and love in dreams. One thing I noticed is that those who are focus with finding the most obvious tend to overlook subtle imagery that goes over there head, yet will be remembered in a dream or some other point in time. Disguised with a deceivingly happy colors, or the pure white pigments it makes a series of violence and personal destruction look like a happy trip. It’s amazing what colors can make someone perceive a violent, or a loving situation. If I can make people feel as anxious as I do on a daily basis then I’m doing something right.

POST SOFT SKELETON AND BEYOND

I told someone I wanted to do something different with my short time in Germany. I wanted to do something I’m not familiar with, and cross into the threshold of discomfort. There are few images of me that exist online, that’s changed in the last 2 years due to picture happy people in the program. I like the idea of being a faceless cunt with others to interpret what I look like (one of my favorites was when someone thought I would look like a female Trent Reznor with longer hair). I wanted to push more into the personal issues, and dream violence in a different medium. I told someone I was going to do a weird short film just because. It was different and I had no idea how it would happen. Fortunately I had access to a professional camera and editing software to accomplish the technical parts. Having great tracks to select from on this great website was a huge bonus too. The audio portal truly has some very talented people.

The dream thing I admit was extra padding to make the short film sound more sfw depending on the potential quagmire if it should be featured in the thesis show come April.  Originally there was never supposed to be distinctive genders in the film, it was difficult to get the test shots done when you’re trying to tell different people the personal anxieties only you can act out with a film that deals with your personal eccentricity. I ended up donning the roles of both the skeleton and the object of affection. To really acquire that sought after anxiety I had to do it because no one will understand your bullshit but you and act it out properly. I had an oversized sweater that made the main protagonist of the SOFT SKELETON appear to be a shapeless blob(moi). I couldn’t get my hands on a chest binder nor was I willing to pick at my utters with duct tape. Doing the painted animations was something entirely new. In high school I used to animate frame-by-frame via ms paint and a 20 dollar tablet. That was abandoned, but doing animation makes me angry and uncomfortable. I could perform my bullshit with the transparencies frame by frame instead of it leaking into my relationships. I was able to reflect on personal aspects on past relationships and noticed that trend. When you think about it, it’s so fucking STUPID. There’s much more significant things that can be used in fights, and something as pathetic as your own issues getting in the way without properly dealing with is just fucking dumb. At least with relationship woes such as cheating it’s easy to walk away and decide shit. Perhaps this has to due with the certain uncertainty of this current shit, or perhaps I’m overthinking it.

To put a long story short I wanted to do something weird in film and make a film that makes me look like king fat fuck with emotional problems. And it was en excuse to burn chicken hearts and livers from the butcher bargain bin. It went well and I thank all the NG musicians for letting me use their music.

Why the “Soft” skeleton? In all honesty it spawned from a song from the band that used the phrase “soft skeleton” I forget the name that was associated with the band but the time period this band was brought up I look at with a knot in my gut and a smile. I remember the uncertainty, new feelings, and trusting that things have a weird way of working out. My love of skeletons combined into this world of sensitive people who are fleshy shells of themselves with vague hints of self-destruction.

OTHER STUFF

If you’ve noticed the past 2 weeks I actually came through with a 4 year promise and started updating the madness comic again. I think it came form wanting to finish old stuff and it’s really a stupid story that’s fun to do. My gift you all of you. I have the comic linked on my websites but I’ll put it HERE. On my blog there’s a story explaining all of the 4 year hiatus in a tumblie bumblie post. The comic updates Mondays and Fridays. BLOG

I’ve also added canvas prints to the store, for those who’ve inquired about prints and based on what was popular I signed and numbers a series of 12  8.5x11 canvas prints for $10. The shipping is uber low too for everyone so if anyone’s interested in that or other stuff they can check that out here

STORE

Thesis show will be here before I know it, and I have to be honest with what and why I do it. The last part of this is super personal and I have no idea if I can say it because I’m unsure if it matters to them. I keep saying the artwork will do the talking, but to assume people or whoever you’re trying ot talk to can understand your way of representing thoughts is a bad idea. The cat has a strong hold of my tongue and I wonder if it affects others too. It needs to stop.

PS It’s kind of sad that a bunch of stores put out the Halloween shit up before August ended, but at the same time it makes finding the discount deformed skull candles that look like a deformed fetus easier when October begins.