Another year passing quick. Feels like so much has happened yet nothing at all.

That's a lie, there's been a slew of things that's happened this year that it feels like it's been longer than it has been, if that makes sense.

Our 2 year anniversary passed a few months ago and it's been nearly 5 years since we got together. It's been a nice time and we've been getting through some gnarly shit thrown our way. She's been important for helping me set up shows for live events I do along with some extra muscle since some of these places are getting dangerous. There's been a rise for the last few months of people stealing from artists tables. The anime cons are getting sniped really hard but our areas have been hit a bit with theft. I had my brother at one show get his shit stolen and a friend got their shit busted and stolen but that event coordinator immediately went to the cameras. None of my stuff has been stolen yet but I've had people think about it and get butthurt i watch. It's always the ones who have very nice things on and/or spent a bunch of money on craft beer that's up there since 80% of these events have taken place at a brewery. You really can't do these things alone anymore. I used to be able to show up in my car no problem, but the last 2 years have gotten dangerous.

My job that I was at for 6 years I ended up leaving the first week of August. I remember not enjoying it after the first three years since there was a very clear division of contract workers and the salaried workers. Even though it was a non profit there was that "if they wanted to they could" with the administration. Hell when I got promoted to lead teacher I was still contractd until i got fucked over by taxes and considered leaving right there until I was made an hourly worker. There was a raise promised I never got, the commute was nearly 2 hours back and forth each day with traffic getting worse with each passing month. There was alot more that could take a week to write up such as watching higher ups use state given money for personal purchases, blatant lying in paperwork for state grants, and 50+ year old omen bullying and abusing younger people. I wanted to report but they want phone numbers and more proof but alot of the admins have local political ties and the place is slowly dying so it is what it is.

what kept me there all those years was the kids and parents I've gotten close with. hell i have a photo album of the artwork they've given me. i had a lot of freedom with how i taught and did lessons where kids saw improvement in 2 months. When I left I gave a vague reason where I'd be next because i've caught my boss lying about things to the point where i didn't want her knowing my business. the murder at a location and the handling of moving multiple places in less than a year was the final nail but there was one thing that really set it off. I won't name anyone, it's not important. I just wanted to talk about that whole experience and the weirdness surrounding it.

My job has this thing called the butterfly project they've been doing for longer than I worked there. it was designed to raise money for students and the program. the metal butterfly was like 7 feet and students would design it unless a place wanted a specific design. last year around September the holocaust museum near me wanted a butterfly and 9/10 the butterfly meeting and process were always a nightmare (like my former coworker was too nice and did 9 butterflies for free because they pushed her to work for free so that's like 10k owed to her). those who know me know about my family history and going with my mom to reconnect with her biological dad a way going to synagogues and unresolved trauma on my end that's resurfaced and I offered to work on that butterfly and the design as long as it was paid (going rate for a public installation for 10 years is 1,300-1,500). I've done alot of commissions over the years so it's always been easy to just give them what they want and go about the day. I had some sketches that ended up being strikingly similar to one of the sketches done by someone on the committee i dealt with for 4 months. The goal was to have the butterfly in a section of the museum outside where they hold alot of jewish events that ties into a butterfly project they had children do in the 90s, and a butterfly poem that was found in one of the concentration camps. What I wanted to do was include some of the imagery that referenced the stories of WW2 survivors during my time in Germany, my own trauma, and I wanted 8 of my students who I've trained to paint specifically to work on it because I wanted to gift them with having their names on a public installation. It was really important to me since one of them was graduating soon. Parents were excited.

There was some debate what the back would look like and one of the sketches I did out of the blue ended up in one of the final revisions. I have the first 3 versions somewhere in my desk, but it was drawing the front and back of the butterfly template in full color during the committee meetings. the people on there were amazing and one of the guys who worked at the museum too knew kabbalah stuff more than me so I was able to go full force with this with numerology and some imagery used. the prayer shawl was used in the museum logo and it was their idea to include that. It was funny too since one of them specifically asked for "anime eyes" for one of the butterfly children. Overall the meetings of the committee were really great with a clear and concise plan of what they wanted. The founder of my job that my boss usually hated to work with was a delight since i met deadlines early. The only thing I didn't like was a huge reluctance to have a fucking contract. one thing that's important is I knew this would be a shitshow, in my old school they used to have artists have installations in that museum and it was a catfight where people threatened by artists who they perceived as better would start shit. I had some rumors fly about me which still linger but to those who know me know they're not true since 75% of my time in grad school was locking myself in the studio.

I'm a giant asshole who will make shit difficult if i'm shamwow'd out of money I'm owed. I sent a stipulation of what I expected, the supplies we'd need to buy and what we had, the time, the names of students that would be helping, and a date when we could have this done (i was going to aim for yom kippur). Still no contract but I kept a paper trail the best i can since i follow the "hope for the best but prep for the worst". Last meeting and the 4th revision was approved around december 17/18th last year when i was on christmas break. I personally didn't care for the changes, but I was cooking to order and if they were happy, then that's all that matters. Meeting ended on a positive note.

Final design that was settled. It was different to do and I personally wasn't 100% but they were happy and that's the most important part.

Alot of my students were always free to discuss whatever they wanted and I was happy to share parts of my heritage as one artist who we did studies on fell on some heavy symbolism similar to mine. I was able to share some kabbalah with the kids and some history as that was lacking in their regular school curriculum. i made it a point to never push anything on the kids and if they wanted to learn anything we'd talk about it. the kids saw the design and were super excited. the whole point of the final design was to show the souls of the children victims of the holocaust flying away from death in peace while bridging people i spoke with in germany, my kids, my own bullshit into one thing that could serve as a positive thing. course i made sure to thank everyone in the committee including the gentleman who sketched everything. i enjoyed the time there! after that there was radio silence until late February where my MIL died of breast cancer on top of some personal things happening. I was in a meeting with my boss asking about the contract to protect all of us and wondering why talking with the building managers was taking so long (everyone on board with the project was supposed to be in that meeting to avoid bullshit and the manager dragged the process which would've been avoided with the contract lol). I brought up the fact that if this all didn't work out i'd be comped for my time as I had notes and trails saying my time on the project was separate from my job. My boss smirked and said I was supposed to do this during work hours. I emailed the exec director and my boss (exec director and my boss hate each other and they both clean out with generous salaries. Exec stayed in her area but my boss would micromanage and take things personal). I documented what was said to me, how that's not fair to use up my time and refuse a contract and what have you. I had a friend who said i had a case and was ready to escalate it if I was played it. at that time me and my wife were making arrangements for her to go home for her mother's funeral and my boss had a huge bitchfit because the exec was pissed at her and boss kept thinking I was personally attacking her. Had an impromptu meeting where i made it clear it's not an attack, I have a backbone and will not be taken advantage when I kept demanding a written contract. after that I made a plan to stick around until december 2023 due to the mishandling of this as i caught my boss in more lies and weird snide remarks (i don't trust anyone that believes in speaking in tongues and she believes in curses too while thinking i was promoting witchcraft) and making shit difficult but I stuck around out of spite.

around march i got this email, i only capped the important part as I sent it to friends and parents because it was ridiculous.

the time line was already wrecked because of this and they never attended the meetings nor made the effort to reach out directly. It's important that the person who started this project had sketches ready to go with what they wanted and we just fine tuned and added other elements that were approved.

I don't always like using black and planned for light reactive pearlescent colors that I use for certain works. One of my friends was egging me on to post all of this on my socials because it's downright ridiculous and when you think about it really offensive. My students were so baffled and pissed that the opportunity i wanted to give them was taken away from them. The thing is I'm content with my corner in local art shows and the underground scenes here and online. I'm happy in my corner, my job was to have these children have a better time in art than i did growing up and have them fly harder and higher by gifting them that foot in the door. calling a work too jewish the kids said was like going to a taco place with no tacos. it's a weird phenomenon seeing people working at these nonprofit deals and make it all about them, not the kids like they have to be the star. they ended up making a new design from a person that we don't know anything about and it was very bland and boring. They didn't even use the right template and my boss scrambled some excuse as to why there was no contract.

As I left that job it became clearer she's the instigator as she took credit for alot of things along with catching her with some lies. The more surreal part was her being more openly racist/homophobic/classist/transphobe with my coworker who's full white thinking she'd agree with her. We were all pissed and me and two of my coworkers up and left the first 2 weeks of august. I don't regret it and health problems vanished and gas has been easier to conserve. I'm still in between jobs and scraping. y with art sales but i don't regret a damn thing.

Why write this? i wanted to talk about it, but i don't want people feeling sorry for me. i knew this was going to be a shitshow but I went along with the ride knowing i'd be fighting for my rightful pay. I ended up getting paid for the design that was never used and my former coworker they reached out to paint the shittier design for 1k and bought golden acrylic paint for 3x the cost on amazon when i talked directly with the company and they donated 500 bucks worth of paint to my class that would've been enough for the butterfly. I nearly forgot about it until they made a post about the empty looking ceremony they had. originally they wanted me to paint the crappy design they threw together (if i manage to get it i'll attach it here) but i taught in the summer and i had an influx of special needs students and young children that are my top priority and bitching ensured.

my other good buddy and wife have really been pushing me to talk to this experience because of the insidious shit that went on during that time. I still don't regret it and the students I private tutor are still bitter about loosing an opportunity. I told them it is what it is, happens alot. I've gotten quite a bit of my personal projects done.

it's been a weird transitional period too the last half of this year. My Siberian husky I've had since i was 17 passed in May at 13.5 years old. She was an old bat from a puppy mill but she was a best friend who adored my wife when we moved in together. It's not been the same but I've been very grateful for one of my students whose mother gifted me with a husky pup in late june we named Freyja. She's special needs (cognition issues and object permanence. aka a forever pup) but the sweetest, most sensitive husky. Ended up with a husky/shepard mix wife named Artyom. With the extra time we've been training them well with the male mix already a fantastic guard dog.

oh yea and for those who know me well, there was a stray cat that used to walk around at my job who would come and visit the kids and became the unofficial class pet. His name is Toby and used to sit with distressed/special needs kids. He looks an awful like my childhood cat Caffy. The kids cried when we moved, but I ended up taking him in and he's a very good cat. My former coworkers joked he was my severance pay.

This sounds like such a pain in the ass blogpost, and didn't intend for it to be this long so I'll end it here, really wanted to kind of have a recap of things going on in my neck of the woods. I'm trying to take on more commissions since we need new tires and a new oven so I've been updating my store and going to update a commission sheet...traditional commissions are a pain to price because they vary wildly with all the people i've taken.

if you want to support my work I ask you all to check out my store or just talk to me directly! This page kind of serves as an archive to alot of my work.

MY STORE LINK

To all people new and old following my shit since 2010, and those even earlier in 2006 I thank you for staying with me all this time. Can't believe how much time has passed. I can't thank you all enough for checking out my stuff. Hope you all have a great rest of the year.

can't believe it's been nearly a year since i wrote anything here. It feels like only a handful of months passed since posting in this news section, but I know it's been longer than that. A doublethink kind of feel where I know it's been almost a year, but yet it doesn't feel like it.

Same time good chunk of my dreams have been way too cryptic and borderline prophetic again. not in a bad way, but knowing that track record it's kind of like bracing yourself for impact with someone about to rear end you. where you die, but you're awake in another timeline because your consciousness switched over to a favorable outcome. I've been doing much more cult research and some personal things, so lines are blurred sometimes...

By the end of the month it'll be me n my wife's one year anniversary. Pretty nuts considering the handful of risks that pertained to that. It's more funny than anything when she saw a lot of the tax benefits, lower car insurance, and making more money at work based on marital status. Seeing that and knowing years from seeing tax documents on dependants it's always kind of funny seeing people freak the hell out about marriage. Same breath they get weird about it, but will end up within the pits and become exactly what they made fun of. It's really easy to end up with a total asshole/weirdo. I've been with that lot, so much where you fall into a complacency with it because you're sex drive is nonexistent and it's become convenient to have a cunt who you can say is your significant other, but there's no love there. it's not the ideal arrangement to be. sex is always overrated anyway and the amount of people who have no clue, or an inflated ego of being a sex monster is staggering. you're better being by yourself and achieving a legacy that doesn't require blood. online footprint doesn't always count unless it oozes into irl scenarios.

Can honestly for sure say i made the right choice, not that I had any doubts the first time we moved in together back in 2019, her moving states (u haul lesbian jokes here) and a really murky future with acceptance with family. It's been really nice, and she's become the more grounded one keeping some of my neurotic episodes ironed out. We never did the wedding dress or anything, not that any of us were into that. neither family ever did corpo shithead paypig weddings. everyone's different, but I've been seeing more and more get bent out of shape over fairly new concepts in matrimony and nuclear family and relationships that are a result in a breakdown of ancient arrangements that worked for the longest time, but it doesn't benefit malevolent forces.

I posted the cover a few months ago, but I received a grant from zinefest houston for a proposal of a soft biography/my own personal autism soup of spiritual beliefs. A small bit of it is admittedly a tasteful spitting in the face of those who've seen my work as a threat, or for personal reasons has issues with me. such the case for anything art related. I was talking with a friend/client who's annoyed i don't mark up my work more. And honestly it would be very nice, but after years of doing that it's just not feasible. Hell the mavathatos books move out slow despite being normal priced books. but someone's is going to spend more on Demon Slayer than some cunt's bizarre occult fiction. Art sales are gas money and to supplement dayjob wages. it's an okay arrangement, and thins are very slowly going back to pre covid in terms of shows and events. Much of the artworld here is (and all really when you look at it) is seeped with politics and some real hidden shit with covert superstitious figures who larp in some belief that gives you a family friendly image. It's a scene i despise and quite frankly childish and wicked. the "true indie" group (when I mean that i man very close knit, queer, and any lesbo fetishists are kicked out) do not have much space income, but support among each other is always wonderful and it's something i've not regretted going towards. Neither do I regret my choice with avoiding directly working with the schools. I've seen peers I have to talk to that are connected to work age horrible with what's going on in the public school system, plus race games where it's just not worth it. I've avoided a relapse for the last 4 years and I want to keep it that way. A failed marriage isn't an achievement i'm looking to add in my arsenal of mistakes.

Anyway, Skeletal hallucination is available for purchase. I know eventually I'll post all 54 pages here, but if you're interested in the comic, or other shit i've been listing please take a look at my store.

https://linktr.ee/rubbberneck

I think it's a relic of a different time of the internet, I tend to treat this as a blogpost. Sometimes it gets vague, sometimes it's personal. It's really neat having kids "rediscover" shit you saw online back in 2004.

Kids are funny, alot of work but they're hilarious. With things the way they are I don't know if kids are in our future, but i'm at a point where I have a pseudo apprenticship with my older students who have picked up on my methods. A begining of a legacy is there with the shit I do at work and that area of the city. That and my body of work will suffice if children are not viable. recent events have been funny with the overturning on abortion shit. I've been involved with childcare since i was a kid myself and have worked at abortion crisis hotlines. It's always the whore argument pointed at the womb bearer, but you can't call these guys hoes. just from what I've seen it's never a fun situation and it's always a last ditch effort of "i literally have no support and could possible be screwed" or a case of your partner screaming "baby trapping" when it was a total accident and deserting you. The best phonecalls were guys playing fair weather fug lamenting possible fatherhood. i've just been utterly disgusted at the amount of men laughing calling those who are upset at this whores and morons where they're stuck in forever 21 peterpan syndrome shitposting on the chans or plebbit and doing nothing for their own community.

shit's bullshit and the gas/food prices are bullshit. have your bugout bag and your shit in order. in the grand scheme of things you have to worry about your own family. also hygiene shit. people tend to forget that shit

I'm rambling, alot has been going on over here. Some good, some really surreal. The type where you realize the whiplash of karma is fucking real and it's multiplied 10 fold. It's not worth to laugh at, but all i can say is make your peace and be safe. Thanks for reading and for the 12 years here on Newgrounds. :)

How's that for one hell of an eye catcher.

It's true, my now fiancee and I had some long talks with career changes on her end and future plans and we decided to just say fuck it and tie the knot. i got a ring coming in the mail with what small funds she has and with this change things are going to work a hell of a lot better. since she's enlisting we're getting this nonsense over with in the court house. i never wanted a bigass wedding and stress out about the rest of my life with someone i don't hate nor freak out about a pay piggy industry. To each's own who want to do that stuff, doesn't jam well with me and my fiancee.

Are there risks? of course, but i always felt my best decisions were the most riskier ones. Even the ones where things didn't go 100% or were terrible. i don't regret anything I've done that ended bad, or the things that Newgrounds has led me. I've like seen so many people and become friends with so many here it's really nice.

Well we're going to the courthouse soon and If anyone feels compelled to buy some of my merch or books or shirts go ahead. Any extra really goes towards taking care of my family and things I need!

https://linktr.ee/rubbberneck

been promoted to lead teacher over at work earlier so that's been nice. A couple of flakers with buying art but that's whatever. I shared all my friends this news so I wanted to share that with you all.

thanks for listening to my ramblings over the years and the support my last 11 years of newgrounds. without this site man i dunno where i would be at.

love you all.

Reading too much into shit and i'm starting to see those shadow men again. they wear the old cotton sweaters my dad used to wear in the early 90's.

Been nearly a year since I posted anything in this section. i have my job back and pretty much got a soft promotion and other stuff so that's cool. the gallery i did so many shows and the record shop closed for good. i really miss that record shop because they had one of the best goth/industrial selections without going all the way in a 2+ hour commute for music. The half price by the art museum is closed down too which really stinks because my local friends and I have found vaporwave shit there, a great occult/lgbt selection, and it was a regular hang out for me and my gf. they're going to make overpriced town homes there and yet continue to have the shitty car wrecking holes in the road.

Last post i wrote about the masks, shirts, and other pins. they're already made and they came out great. if anyone wants one just click the links in the bio of mine here.

there was also that freeze that totally fucked up the house right now. it looks like it's getting gutted along with so many of the houses in my area.

There's more pictures but it's just really annoying to deal with. Almsot 2 weeks no water and a week no power or something like that. just glad to have running water but damn the insulation is eveywhere and annoying to deal with. Some people bought shit and it was really apreciated cause i was able tp pick up some things for my family during this whole shitshow so thank you for that.

i'm getting another pin made toyou can see what i picked out. talking with the manu right now as i'm typing this. Depending on things the pin will be like 10 bucks. using rose gold for the metal.

Book 2 came out last year around october of Mavathatos and for sure same time book 3 will be out. book 2 ended up being much longer than I expected. over 300 pages but it's like what 20 year timeline? maybe 14. it's a lot to cover. i had some people ask for the link. in my profile I linked the amazon link to it, bUT if you want to buy the physical copies and my poem book too from me you can jsut dm me or send me the cash on my paypal rubbberneck@outlook.com or on my venmo @Rubbberneck (the derp looking sasuke icon is me) or hell even cashapp $rubbberneck.

Book 1 mavathatos is $15

book 2 mavathatos is $25

the dead angels poem book is $12

i can ship to canada fine, it's other countries i'm not sure of. if you're not in the usa/canada message me to see if you're able to receive stuff from the states. if there's also stuff you want directly from me that i've posted here or my store just email me. you can ask people here i try to sneak goodies and other shit in the packages. if i take too long with sending stuff i'm sorry! too much has been going on.

i'm pretty glad despite the board at work being stupid with the covid situation my boss is supportive. last year threw a huge monkey wrench in a lot of plans but if things go well i'll be back where i left off plan wise January of last year.

i don't really have anything else to add, but thanks for reading and for all the front pages on all the dumb shit i make. and thanks for those who comment on my webcomic. even if i don't respond i read everything and i have a habit of either responding really fast or taking my ass time.

take care <3

What's it's been like 2 months the last time I posted, I've not worked since then. Job has no clue when they're going to open, and a few places are seesawing around reopening or not. I think June, worst case August will have some sort of normalcy. We'll see, this shit's been taking it's toll I've been having more headaches and weird night terror eps that are creeping back.

A few of the great things about this was getting a shitload of inking done and some projects that I has on the back burner for a year. One of them was that poem book I posted a few weeks ago: Dead angels. For a few years now I've been saving these quips of poetry. Some I don't remember writing, and some I do. It was really weird gathering the old art I wanted in the book, and making some new illustrations. A bit cathartic since it dealt with some heavy shit. That book you can buy from amazon, which to be honest i'm not a fan of the company but i've gotten so much bullshit with my writing getting denied having the ability to have it self published and getting some $$ out of it is nice. if anyone has any suggestions for other sites let me know!

Dead angels book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0875YMZ7L

Some other stuff too if you follow my twitter and instagram! I've had a shirt project, 2nd pin project, and a face mask project on the back for months due to cherubs and mavathatos taking some huge importance during my free time. I spent the last 2 weeks gathering stuff for these projects and I'm really excited about these projects.

I drew this design around November and since I had time I decided to get proofs and an estimate for these. They're HUGE like 3 inches and there's like 50 of the silver, and 50 of the gold. I listed a pre order since I'm out of work I just don't have enough to order them myself compared to the other manufacturer I had to pay since they waited the longest. If anyone wants to reserve a spot I'll link it below here, it really means a lot.

https://rubberneck.storenvy.com/products/30295840-preorder-mavathatos-and-the-necromancer-3-inch

Another pre order I listed earlier today was the face masks! Anyone looking in my lore knows about CHEMA and his face mask he wears to stay in his humanoid form. Same with cherubs (I've alluded to that). I made a more intricate design and found a place that doesn't charge so much for orders. I'm going to be making 100 of these for $7, if you want to reserve one for yourself click the link below. They're those cotton face masks you'd see at cons. I'm nto sure if I'll have enough to pay the makers quick so pre orders would help big time.

https://rubberneck.storenvy.com/products/30296173-preorder-angelic-seal-face-mask

The last preorder I listed it a bit more complicated. I used to hand make my shits 100% with a silk screen and everything. I don't have space for that anymore, plus the local place I used to get my shirts from changed the clothing blend. I'm not a fan of the polyester/cotton blend. It irritated my skin, i like making stuff I think would be comfy for me and everyone else. I'd love to do a bigger shirt run, but I just don't have the money for it. I'm getting a grant from the city because working artists are getting at least something, and i don't know if it'll pay for a bigger order of 25 shirts. I lsited the small preorder link to see if anyone wanted to preorder. they're 100% cottom shirts and really comfy. My job used these local guys (custom ink) for our organizations shirt and they're really comfortable. plus supporting local is the way to go. if youwant to preorder the mava shirt go for it! link is below!

https://rubberneck.storenvy.com/products/30295969-preorder-there-is-no-heaven-for-you-shirt

Along with that is another big bone update. I went with doing mammal bones for the longest time, and for the last year i've been working with these alligator vertebrae and last night I just finished them. They're similar to the deer bones with the quartz, but a different brand of paint and a glossier uv finish. They came out really pretty check it out

i just listed these too! They're like $20 and I only have 12 available. If you want one now's the chance.

(pardon my nails and hands btw :(

https://rubberneck.storenvy.com/products/30298648-alligator-vertebrae-pendants

and i made some earrings from some gems/shells I had. Nickel free too cause i'm sensitive to metals ans so are a lot of people. probably one of the cheapest things I have next to the stickers and zines. They're 5 bucks if anyone's interested.

https://rubberneck.storenvy.com/products/30289777-nickel-free-stud-earrings-pick-from-all-kinds-of-gems-shell

This post just seems like a BUY MY SHIT I NEED $ didn't it? Kinda ended up this way, so my apologies. I'm just preparing for the worst case scenario as I'm job hunting/waiting to hear back from my other job. not to mention trying to make more updated merch when festivals are back. How's everyone doing so far? I hope it's not as stressful, it's a hard thing not to stress about. Thinking of this as a time to catch up on ink, projects, and improvement on a craft really helps. Hope people in the states got their trumpbux. if you didn't just message me and I can help. I was able to help a ton get their check even if they didn't get their taxes. I don't know if the window to get it is gone,but I'm happy to help.

Took one of my cats to the vet, the grey one my dad wanted to keep but i'm pretty much taking care of. He acts like a dog and since he was beat up so much as a baby he's all wobbly and can't really run. Great cat though, he's really sweet. With all the special needs animals I've had/fostered it's not a big deal. My dog is getting older too and it's sad to see. I've had her since I was 17, been tough with her stubborn personality but I love my animal buds. Gf is job hunting too but we're managing. I think that's also why i've been doing updates to the store everyday. Deleted my etsy too, there was like 0 traffic to is and I was loosing money having that. Storenvy isn't perfect but it had much more exposure.

Those who read this whole post thanks a ton, all the support all the years has meant so much, even if it's been a little. i hope everyone stays safe and things settle down! Night. <3

Sometimes things have a real shaky start, but ends good in it's own way. It makes sense after a certain period of time.

Also having people vilify your choices by talking about a path you almost took and their regrets is nice to hear. Not to brag about "oh fuck you I made the better choice." It gives you an idea of another timeline, if that makes sense.

My work merged with another art program that's been going downhill since the 90's. Funny enough I used to go to their free classes when we were struggling back around 97-99. Out of the shitty people that left one I'm pretty sure taught me, and she was a massive ass. She's not put together brain wise, it's surreal. I'm not angry, but it's just weird seeing someone from your past you never thought you see again. We have another lady named Kat who's this tough Navy bitch, she's great and always tells us about the more "normie" art shows that we could sell stuff at. I was talking to her while getting ready for a class and her story had me reflecting the last 2 weeks. She wanted to do art (she was a kiddo in the 60/70's) and her father did NOT want that and pressured her to do what he wanted, which was going into the navy. She did that, but was lamenting how she felt she would be doing better with her art if she took that risk. There was some resentment in her tone, and she wasn't even fond of her navy experience. I got pressured to go into the army. I wasn't sure how shit would work out and some classmates were going that route. I wasn't sure how i'd make any of the art shit work, but it's been getting a hell of a lot better despite me grumbling about sales. It really was seeing and alternate version, complete with the "you be a doctor or a lawyer" talk she got decades ago. she does good art , and she appreciates the vet discounts.

I don't know, I like to type stuff here and leave it be before I change my mind, most of what goes on is around here anyway. There's nothing to hide and it's nice to get some feelings out and avoid the old bottling up bullshti again. props goes into recent events with this corona shit.

It figures something like this happens during tax season. It's weird, last month at a show I was vending at some of us were really skeeved out with the corona virus talk. We saw a girl I usually vend next to leave early cause she was sick. Regular flu stuff, but it set us on the edge. Funny enough I just bought my mom a costco membership to help her out and her first experience was seeing the panic buyers hoard all the fucking toilet paper and lysol wipes. Yesterday all the Gatorade and milk was gone. What's the store status with some of you? It's a bit surreal, but it's more stressful job wise.

I teach kiddos in my dayjob and people are scaring the shit out of them. A bunch of my 2nd graders were asking me if they're gonna die, which isn't fair for those kids. 80% of my kids come from really fucked up homes and/or have absent parents or ones that are nurses and need these programs to keep their kids safe. This whole week was us trying to figure out of we should continue our spring break week activity for the kids or just stay home. Here's the shit part: since we're contracted we don't have paid leave. On top of taxes (I posted the snippit of that shit on my twitter). my boss is trying to figure out some stuff since we all have bills to pay, people to take care of, and taxes. My coworker's husband does a lot of media events in houston and a good chunk of them are cancelled. He's trying to find work right now. Things are crazy.

I updated my storenvy, dropped prices, and added some stuff I'm willing to part with and I need to sell some stuff! So many of us are scrambling to find something for income and sell our art. I'm sorry I can't offer any deals or sales, but I hope the price drops are okay. I try to be reasonable with pricing, but man I got to make some cash I got things to take care of. I promise I'll include some free goodies too. My spongecunt pins are listed there on a good price. If you're not comfy with storenvy we can work with paypal privately.

the pin

Mavathatos Book two will be coming later this year, I have everything mapped out and all the illustrations drawn and posted here. I was originally going for August, but I'm probably aiming for Sept/Oct. Book 1 is still available though! You can buy it on the amazon link.

Storelink: https://rubberneck.storenvy.com/

Amazon Book (Mavathatos 1): https://www.amazon.com/dp/1686919077

Even if you can't buy anything I really do appreciate reviews, comments, and just reading my stuff. It's been 10 years on this website and it's been an interesting ride. I met some people for better or worse had an impact on my stuff. I wouldn't be friends with some people or done certain things without this website. It's really interesting how a site does that, hadn't had anything like that since my tokyopop/deviantart days. I wanted to make a post the anniversary of making an account here, but I was just so busy with work. It's been surreal, and sometimes I can't what's real or what I remembered actually happened or was some catatonic episode. I've been doing loads better every since mid 2018 and I hope that stays somewhat consistent.

Anyway thanks for reading and hope everyone stays safe. Thanks for the continued support!

I don't remember when's the last time i posted, the last 5 months have really zoomed past with way too many things going on and facing quite a bit of disassociation and trying to keep a relapse from occurring.

i'm in the middle of transitioning jobs and I was fortunate to not quit my current one as this place has been dragging their feet, and other places having a domino effect on some of my applications. I had a few days where I was in a daze just wondering why I'd want to sacrifice a lot for teaching at these schools in this area. I do classes for kids in an afterschool art program and I really love doing that because I have so much more room with flexibility, how i teach the kids, and a lot of support. pay is shit and no benefits but the schools have been a shit show and I've found myself in a bit of a personal crisis. Ive always done art and writing and yea it's been really hard to make myself be heard. If I didn't have this I know I'd be dead by now. My gf has been the most supportive person right now and idk how i'd be without her. She's settled in moving with all the nonsense with changing states. I'm fine I've been iffy but I'll be okay, really busy with a lot of things and a digital residency and shows. It's good to be busy but I wonder if the teaching thing in public schools is the way to go anymore.

So I think it was almost a year ago I was writing the first 39 pages of the personal first run of the Mavathatos book. It went well, but I realized it was way too short and needed some filling. Some more things were added to flesh out the beginning part since I divided up the whole story into 4 volumes. After all the mess I fixed shit up and I have Volume 1 of Mavathatos available through amazon. I'll put a kindle version soon, that's apparently a different format I have to adjust for the manuscript. Anyway digital version coming soon, the physical copies are $15 dollars and it'll include the black and white illustrations in a 106 page book along with some quips I never posted online. Kindle version i'm not sure how much it will be. I'll keep you all updated on that.

You can get it here: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1686919077

I also had another influx of followers here, and I want to say hello to those guys too. Hope everything I do is good for you guys. I don't update this part as much due that isn't cherubs due to some things. If any of you guys bought a book would be amazing. Support from you guys has been great in the past and it's always been amazing to have some awesome fans.

Hope you guys have a good night and thanks for reading!

So I foolishly didn't write down why I titled my post "butt chicken" 2 months ago so I'm going to rectify that today along with some huge announcements. Butt chicken was a dumb dream I had awhile back I posted on a discord server I'm on so i'll just post the screenshot below explaining this dumb dream.

I don't have those dumb dreams often and they're usually either really stupid, or some horrible nasty shit. I kept thinking I had this dream last year but damn it really was only in January.

Anyway the last two months (or really December have been a whirlwind if I ought to be honest) have had a lot of things happen in such a short span of time. Pretty sure I got axed out of something due to personal reasons, but that’s ok. I had someone write a song for me for my webcomic The Cherub Brothers which will be a coming project in the next few months, and have been making strides in selling off a good chuck of old work. Still at my current job, and lots of insanity going on with the local ISD’s here and wanting to really stay away from all that nonsense. I do apologize for missing cherub updates I’ve been working on special pages for later chapters, and sometimes I have this wave of depressive funk where I’m just stuck and can’t really do anything. They’ve gotten much better to manage but it’s something that comes and goes but Cherubs is still going strong.

I also have found someone very special in a different way it’s hard to explain. We reach a point where even though the amount of time is kind of short with what’s been going on it makes it more surreal. We finish our thoughts which I never really had 100% with anyone, similar experiences, alike and different and I’ve found myself with someone I think I might have been looking for. I tend to mull over things and think this kind of relationship carefully. More so due to personal experiences and fibs. You know that whole spiel where someone wants that commitment but changes once they obtained sex. Things happen but honesty I think is something people don’t want to use for fear of admitting things or afraid they don’t get what they want. I only speak for what I’ve observed I know others are different. I remember we talked about that 20 year old expiration date and some other things which made this whole thing a bit more surreal since I really could be 100% myself and not have the other project their own troubles or other nonsense.

Before I get sappy about my partner I’ll cut to the meat of this. My partner is moving here to Houston next month. I’m meeting their family and we will be driving back to my place. Since I’ve lived in the family house we will be getting our own place sometimes perhaps this year or depending on our work situation. In the meantime I’m trying to clean house and sell as much art as possible. If anyone is local of course there will be discounts! I’m in the process of finding a better paying non contracted job and any money will be used for our new place and the furniture and dishes we will be needing!

Inks that are 9x12 are always 25 bucks, zine prices are listed on my twitter and instagram, watercolors and paintings are a different story so be sure to DM me. DO NOT buy through my storenvy! They’re raising the market percentage to 15% and recently sold all my deer/coyote jaw necklaces so be sure to message me what you would like to make sure I have it! And again the support is amazing thank you so much you all for everything.

Other than that, it’s been alright vending at goth clubs and other places. Putting things together and getting shit all together for next month! Anyway thanks everyone for reading and commenting over the last few years. It’s meant a lot!

With love <3

the amount of times you have to repeat youself to convince yourself you're okay, you have to stop and realize you're really not ok. it's fine now.

I like to go through older posts I make here to reflect on things and confront shit that was going through my head the time i wrote it. i don't really like deleting posts, the only time i did was teenager shit off of deviantart that talked about stupid movies. even if you delete nearly all of your stuff will end up archived. be careful what you say it'll always be online or inside of your heart.

I wanted to make a post before 2019 rolled around due to a huge influx of followers from a few accounts, but I had way too much on my mind and scrapped a bunch of things I wrote down. It's now february, i'm going to be 27 in a few days. I used to have a big circle of girls I associated with who'd freak out about reaching that age. More so without a significant other or children in their lives. Their expiration date is edging closer. it's really dumb, of course it'd be disingenuous to say it doesn't get to you. Pretty much 95% of my former colleagues have just started to have children or engaged/married. it is something I've desired, but on the other hand i still have my freedom to travel and haven't fallen into the trap of accidental babies. A bit of a trade off considering the last few years.

i heard someone say that don't regret doing something you wanted, that it wo't be exactly what you wanted, but you'll be glad you did it and do not regret it. i've been feeling like that towards the end of 2018, i'm enjoying being alone and not having my time wasted and growing proejcts and finishing things. it's been really nice.

to all new followers hello! you found my page and want to say thanks for following and supporting. I don't like to shill too much, but I do have a store and have a ton of things such as inks, zines, and bone jewelery. I don't really do donations since I've just never been comfortable with taking money unless I'm offering a product in return. I do have a store here: https://rubberneck.storenvy.com/

or just message me directly. I don't really have any vices I blow money on, plus booze is expensive and it's too costly too keep up with it, any purchase or support means a bunch. I'll end the plug there.

If you noticed the amount of mavathatos covers posted the last few months yes i'm working on a 4 book part novella of mavathatos. the look for the covers is based on the underground occult books you find on some serious rituals or the satanic rites you can find in the metaphysics section of a half price book store. the whole story is really about a necromancer messing with things due to greif and mava's adventures after yericho drops dead. you pretty much have a good chunk of the story already through last year and late 2017. I have booklets of mavathtos already out. they're teh first run so some changes for the cover and some pages are going to happen before the final product. It's over 50 pages long and some art so if you would like a copy ($10) dm me.

I made a ton other bone shit too that's available check out my instagram (@Rubbbernecking) for some more stuff.

funny enough i never did get that money from that fraud charge. I was able to recover myself. hard as shit but i was able to do it. Ended up sinking some money into my car but it's ok! It's all good so far the first month has started out pretty well so i'm good.

again welcome new followers and thank old ones for the support! <3

You know It’s never intentional I leave these journals empty for over a year and not post anything. Considering I was doing that a lot and slowly quieting myself in these journals bothered me. I feel I should post something new in regards to the projects I’ve been doing and some vagary regarding personal life. And an attempt to shill and sell some of my art to clear some space and pay for some things coming up. An maybe talk about a few things. Some argue I get too personal, but I like having this stuff written down. Never talk about people, just shit that goes on with my brain and events. People have another place and I like keeping that level quiet. Everyone’s opinions vary with that, and that’s fine.

It’s been a bit of a busy time since I last posted. I haven’t really been doing so hot since the beginning of 2017 and I’ve kept that quiet for a very long time because I’ve felt embarrassed and letting that part affect friendships and work. Probably not for the best because it let to a massive breakdown back in April this year and hoping I didn’t break anything in the process. I mean now it’s funny to look back at it since I had Tetsuo the Iron Man playing while that was going on. With people that I’ve come to regard as very close they assumed it was a few things that led to it, or thinking it was related to them. I’m very used to dealing with these types of breakdowns alone, more so since the last bad one was way back in 2012/13. The fact I had another one was very troublesome and even now I’m still upset with myself I relapsed in the ED and the self harm on my knees. This time I had people kinda talk to me to make sure I didn’t go off the deep end too much. Now it’s fine I’ve been a lot more level headed, despite some things going down and ending something that went on so so many years. But with that a start of something new that’s a bit scary and just concerned with how it would work out. at this point you go along with it and hope for the best and being open with feelings and shit. Too many things get lost in writing and voicing just being honest and talking is super helpful. with all not just with your significant other but with friends and coworkers and whatnot. I’ve been on/off writing this so I lost y train of thought.

I think to keep it short is that I’m scared and anxious as fuck but haven’t been level headed and curving the drinking in awhile and I like the feeling it’s freeing. And not feeling scared of being 100% to those I care about.

I’ve been pretty open about that for a few years now since a lot of my work kind of deals with that and the night terrors/hallucinations that have happened since I was young. Some argue it’s putting yourself out there, but I say it really helps. I’ve had some very special friends which made getting my shit together a much easier process. Of course a few fights, a few people not wanting to see loved once go through the hurt you may suffer opening your innards to someone and to have vinegar poured all over them.

I don’t remember where I was going with the earlier stuff. Just doing better and it’s a nice change instead of having the frequent episodes of staying in bed all the time. On that last month someone got a hold of my pin from a gas station and took $2,000 from my savings and the last two weeks have been financially stressful. Bank said latest the 15th this month I should have it back. I can save I’m used to working with nothing and thankfully found a much cheaper vet for my dog.

It has been annoying as all hell trying to sell some more work. I made a post about it on my instagram, so I’ll make it here too.

I have a ton of work both canvas paintings, watercolors, and a TON of ink drawings I’m looking to get rid of. I’ll keep it short and sweet for the paper works because I need to make space and in need of some money.

Inks- $30 (9x12), $50 (11x14) $75 (14x16 and bigger) anything below 9x12 is pretty much 20 bucks depending on the detail.

Watercolor prices vary, but those really big 22x30 ones are gonna b like $275 and anything around that size will vary depending. Really for anything that’s not ink just DM me any questions. I like dealing with PayPal better because my storenvy account tacks on an extra “Storenvy fee” and it’s annoying as hell but PayPal is easier and of course I always throw in extra goodies.

Have been lax updating art here, but the most active places are my twitter and instagram (@rubbernecking) and post the most recent work there. I really use twitter for smash bros and jo jo memes alone with comic and artworks stuff.

Been doing a lot of great stuff with @SpencerXavier the Kero hero video came out this week and very happy that’s finished go check it out in the video section of either me and his profiles.

Still have that same job I’m working at and been hoping for more hours, that and recent events and the fraud charge have been putting me on edge and shilling and pushing to sell more work’s been at a high, but with all that I’m very thankful for new followers, old ones, and close buddies that have been there for me.

Hope you all have a good night.