Never make posts after spending 5+ hours on difficult exams. You'll sound like an ass.

The MBA/BA degree program I've been taking has been an interesting experience. It's a compleatly different language then the one i'm used to reasearching and writing about. Business law is awful. It's wording is similar to that of attorney documents with all it's law jargon. It's important to know though, a lot of people in the art feild need to know this jargon so they don't get screwed over. It happens a lot, and I've had arguments with a few flakes wanting to buy a specific peice. I never take checks because of experiences of them bouncing on me, and the saftey of cash is always comforting when dealing with this stuff. I have one final offer though and waiting for payment, it's this peice for those curious.

It's been an interesting first half od the year with me staling the mailbox for a yay/nay letter for the MFA program. The director has been reassuring me, professors, and friends and people who wrote recomendation letters for me. They have more confidence in me than I do. It's an awful habit of thinking and it gets really old after 21, btu old habits die hard. I like to think it's going away. I don't have breakdowns like I did early 2014...

With that I had someone ask about that Pico Day dealie, and yea I am actually going to be there next saturday. Got ine invite a long time ago and I have the time and money so I figured why not y'know? one thing i'm worried about is showing my face. I'm a really private person, the only reaosn why I talk about really personal things is because it played a role in my work. It also helped almost no one had a face to tact on the work/posts. that always brought up another question based on other artist shennenegins. Does having a face put on the artwork affect how people will see it?

It does to an extent. Not so much for guys, but for girls it's more the case depending on the style and how pretty she is. Whenever i talk about this some of my friends call me a cynical bitch who's got such a negative veiw of girlies in the feild. unfortunatly it's the case if your work doesn't stick out and you have a pretty face. When your work sticks out and makes people take a second look, prettiness isn't a factor. I think that should be the end goal for girls in the art feild. There's so many cases (and from personal experience) with girls using their looks and pussy to get ahead. It's true whether anyone wants to admit it, and with so many girls doing it other need to show that they're work ethic would never allow them to toss their integrity like that.

I mentioned in the post I took down that the tattoo studio my to-go-to guy used to have a spot in is reluctant to hire girls because of the shenanegins they pulled. They'll hire one if her work is immaculate. The last girl they had acting like the secretary's work looked really good. Hope she goes places. When looking at girls pulling this stuff their work most of the time isn't that good. Any girl can get what she wants if she knows how to work a guy. Some argue that this is not true, but all you have to do is go people watching, yo'll see it. Go people watch in art studios and conventions, specifically the art tables by the proffessionals.

i'm going to cut myself short before I sound like a hag. The store has been pretty neglected as of late due to school work. Two things got taken down. The mouse in the jar was destroyed at school, and the big head couple block was sold. Keep a look out for new stuff though and some discount codes.

STORE

I'll be bringing some small art peices while in philly too. the biggest will probably be 9x12, if anyone's interested. You'll be skipping shipping costs. I don't know if we're going to get nametags like some 10 yea high school reuinion, but if you want to say hi look for someone wearing a big ass bird skull necklace. That is if i'm not kn a corner drawing. i'm no fun at parties, but I think this pico day is good for exposure. Come ay hi to this hag. See some of you saturday.

Have a nice day you all. :)

Sometimes it's hard to just sit back and realize things happen for a reason until a good chunk of time passes. At that point you see how that event helped and/or put things in perspective.

Graduation has been delayed for me until May due to church credits at school. It all boiled down to technical problems with the school email, and therapy that had the office calling saying I'm off the list after I bought incitations and the whole getup. I got most of my money back, but for the invites I'll just cross out the old date and write down the new. Tacky, but for those who know me well will undestand.

It was horrible and someone I knew from the studio started spreading rumors why I didn't walk with the whole group, but I don't have to enroll in any more classes, I have free space to use in the studio, and I can concentrate on my business bachelors/master's program. The director wanted me to do other stuff, and this won't interfere with the master's application. It's frustrating, but there's a reason for all this. It can be an obnoxious thing to say but it's true. Recent events are falling into place and I know things are going to be okay. I'm close to many things, I've sold things and have a good deal with a guy who wants the bigger paintings.

I feel we all don't tell ourselves that, it's going to be okay. When things start to follow into place you just know it's going to be okay. It's weird feeling that. It's hard to explain, but you just know things are going to happen or be alright. Sometimes you'll try to tell yourself you're deluding yourself and want things to go your way. Meditating on these things and clearin your body of desires helps. Once you're able to clear things away you can see if it's really falling in place, of just a coud in the eyes. I hope this makes sense as things like this are difficult to explain.

Behind on some painting too. The day before new years I was biking with my dog and she tends to get retard happy when we bike. She's a siberian hsky so they go super fast and if it's not a sled you're bound for trouble. She lopped around a light pole and I got yanked by my right hand and I couldn't move it. It's just a ligament thing with no bone troubles, but for a few days it hurt like a motherfucker. I can finally paint, but it's not 100% to go back to work. A delay really, but thank goodness it's not bone troubles....

This is what it looked like after 24 hours.

Can't see the gnarly bruising on the palm, and now the brusing on the top has gone into the yellow phase so it should be okay in a week....I'm able to type better but if it looks like shit you know why. blame the gimpy hand.

There's another special going on in the Rubberneck store. 30% off all things until the end of the month! No code or anything it'll be automatically be applied to the order!

STORE

Some other stuff to check out.

Good bud of mine's working on a game and voting on greenlight would be cool y'know.

This girlie makes really cool dolls, you should so check her out!

This is a good colleague of mine and her jewelry is nice and up for sale!

New things will be on the way since I can move my hand more. Hope everyone's New Year was nice, this year will be an interesting year with a lot of changes. It's best to let them happend and not to be too prepared. Life's really weird and has a tendency to flip on you for better or worse.

Goodnight everyone, and thank you everyone fans n friends alike for the support during all this time. :)

It's annoying dealing with those who've been generous to you financially, but can be complete bastards who freak out at the sight of booze or a floppy tit.

The BFA show went alright, there were some hiccups from two colleagues, and the weather made it a really weird night to have a show. I was forced to censor one of my works a professor begged to have in. It's funny really. The professors could really give a damn about nudity or whatever kind of shit that's deemed offensive as long as it isn't obnoxious like the guy who did the crucifix in piss.  However the super higher ups on campus are ridiculously Baptist and more conservative than some friends of mine. They freak out with tit and brandy bottles in work, and gave one of my colleagues in the masters program so much shit for his work. He found a way to get around it, since a lot of messages seem to go over their head. They're really hyperaware of nakedness and sex that they don't pay attention to subtle shit.

The linoleum carving of the couple in the park was framed and ready to go for the show, and few people got what it meant. Some thought it meant blowjob, but that wasn't the message I was getting at. However what you interpret kind of reflects the state of your mind/soul. Two colleagues ended up running their mouths saying the piece was about blowing, the director took another look and begrudgingly asked to have something else put in. A colleague told me who did it, and a mild fight brewed about how ridiculous these Baptist higher ups are. The paranoia piece got censored, but I got to be a smartass about it and taped black censor bars on it.

Either way the show was a hit, and the colleagues that ran their mouths are annoyed that people don't talk about their work. With that and the impending graduation day I'm doing a sale in the store!

Since I got messages from people outside the states wanting stuff, but shipping was ridiculously stupid I'm doing a free shipping special! This sale starts now up until December 13th 11:00 pm central!

Check out the store here, you will need a code and the code is "xmas". Message me if there's any troubles!

Hope thanksgiving was alright for the rest of you. :)

The year is almost over and it's gone by so fast, I'm slowly starting the process of entering the master's program and that'll be here and done with before you know it. It's crazy feeling four years ago felt like the other week. So much has happened and so many people have made things better or worse during that time. The undergrad show's just a few days away and it gave me time to reflect how some people have been a huge influence. Most good, some a bit lukewarm. Though it's nice to know the director said I was one of his best undergrad painters. Put some hot coals in the grad student's ass. I consider it an act of flattery to be the object of envy with people in your feild, so long as they don't sabatoge my work.

All of us are getting ready for the show, and it's been hell and back for my colleagues. I treat it like everything else, and since I'm nearly reclusive providing recent work for the show is no problem. My coleagues, however, loathe loosing sleep and devoting more time in their craft. I used to edit their artists statements and got to see how really lukewarm they are with it. I don't like assuming shit, but I get the impression they're waiting for something to pop out as they're trying to find themselves artistically. You can't wait for shit like that. Search a bit and when it comes let it consume you.

Writing thse statements are frankly a giant pain in the ass, I hate doing them too and try not to sound like some new york fag wannabe minimalist. In the whole undergrad department there are very few who truley devote their soul into their stuff and it shows so much. You see their stuff evolve and change as tme passes and new and old ideas wash up like an ocean in their cavases. An older aquantence does jewelry and spent so much time on it she wore bandages on her fingers and had chronic carpel tunnel syndrome.

It sounds fucked to let your work take its toll on you like that, but isn't that the point? No person, no accident, no romance, nothing outside of your work can destroy you. You are in charge of that and you get to do that with what you love. People love that shit. They ADORE a fatalist artist like that. There's an allure with artists who are riddled with personal issues and act "outside the norm" ( if there's ever one in the first place). It's sexy, they're more passionate, they'll hang on to things more, and those who desire them see it as "oh they're so talented I could save them a little before they go." Most wealthy men would fuck a 10/10 artist who's totally looney tune but paints like a god if they could have a chance.The work doesn't even have to be good, if their additude or "i don't give a fuck" vibe is picked up on people will eat that shit up and call you a brave young'un.

There was an artist in school a long time ago who nearly hung themselves in tyhe studio behind the painting room, I never ssaw their work and thankfully the staff and director were very supportive of her. I've always wondered what she did though. What ever happened to her..

With that done.............

The shady bigheads and the yawning bighead has been added in the store. Keep an eye out on RUBBERNECK store for a christmas sale coming up! You'll get a code like the last salw and this time you'll get 25% off your order. The sale will start after Thanksgiving and will end at December 13th. The discount code will show up on the site and I'll make a notice when it's active.

With that being said you should check out the game a friend is making. It looks really good right now and you can vote for it on steam greenlight too here.

P.S. the invites they made for me and my colleague's show looks pretty nifty too. Anyone around the area is more than welcome to show up because why the hell not.

Hope you all have a good rest of the week. :)

Attempt to self reflect, even if it’s lousy.

 I’m going to treat this as a journal because I actually put thought into it. Not sure if it helps any or not.

The demon you bury into your clutter will eventually resurface, leaving you with the choice to either make peace with it, or let it fester in you until you become a neurotic riddled with stomach ulcers. 

As I slowly finish my undergrad and step towards my masters I decided to take the initiative and begin tossing/donating anything I don’t use so when I take my leave in 2 years I won't have so much weighing me down.  Through the cleaning I found some neat things I thought I lost. I found a copy of Pinocchio Vampire Slayer I thought I lost to a girl who never gave back an old copy of Sandman. (It’s alright though I never gave back her copy of The Walking Dead so in a way we’re even.) It’s a really nifty comic, and it’s pretty self explanatory with Geppetto trying to kill the entire village because he’s a vampire and out of his mind. I found a few other books I thought I lost like MW, a book about dreams and Jung, and a torn up comic with Blade in it. Sadly the comic was beyond repair, but it was wonderful finding things I thought was buried among the junk that has built up over the years. As I tossed more and more things into bags I found other things I never wanted to see again.

I found letters from old friends, a framed picture of a boy I once loved, a folder of old ideas from a goth phase that’s left it’s mark on me and is the butt of jokes with friends from time to time.  The letters would’ve meant something two years back, but I suppose that’s why I still had them. They were from a former friend who would’ve graduated into a partner if he wasn’t a nerd who clung to his mother. He’s a story for another time when waves of nostalgia come to shore. Another letter was from a teacher who thought I was going to shoot up the school and tried to bolster her morality by trying to take in socially awkward students like lost dogs and make them happy devoted servants of God.

None of those letters meant anything so they went straight into the trash.  As they went something was unearthed.

I found an old suicide note I thought I burned. It fell apart as soon as I picked it up. It really didn’t matter if it was intact of not, I’ll never forgot what it said. It was a poorly put together will of all the junk I had in earlier years and a confession of lifelong self loathing and a nihilistic view of the flesh.  That’s yet another story for another time, though I think one or two people know how I feel about that.

I sat there in my closet for what felt like hours, I lost sleep looking through the old junk from family I no longer speak to. It felt really good, like a 25 lb. weight off my back. The weight was still there, but I brushed it off as I found old drawings from 2010/2011 I wanted to post on NG, but lacked the skills to really give it justice. You’ll see them later this week. I debated whether to redraw them, or just keep hem with other snippets of things friends and loved ones have given to me. They will be up as two of them are awfully sentimental.

For the first time in years things in my bedroom looked clean, it didn’t look like the shithole it was becoming 2 and a half years ago. It looks a lot better than the semi shithole from October. I think it’s due to marathoning hoarders, or just sick of sitting in a world of shit. Very few people saw the junk and shit clothes that formed a second floor of my bedroom, if I acted more like my mother’s side of the family I’d be a full blown hoarder. Why do this, why place so much disrespect on your body, life, work, and to an extent your relations with friends and those you love? The shithole affected the way I treated my body. I don’t know when it started but for as long as I can remember it would develop into some sort of cancerous growth, then fade away like the growth is going over treatment. Like addicts it didn’t last long and only got worse. Any kind of infliction of the body on a budget would go on. I think the worst of it was the fat fuck years after highschool.

I don’t remember how I got to that point, I mean how can you get lower than rock bottom unless you dig like a blind rat. I couldn’t go out the normal way via hanging, or something more elegant so a slow death of fatness seemed appropriate. Whatever could drive away any positive potential was great. Fatness and rusty year old razors from hair tools was like a pack of cigarettes to me. I needed it, I needed for everyone to go away so it would make the process go by smoothly. I think it would’ve gone on (or have an intervention at an obscene weight) if something didn’t snap n my head.

It was around the time where I would give anything for the work I do, as time went by I became more devoted to my work and ideas. If it wasn’t anything I didn’t’ want to do I wouldn’t taken the initiative to go to school to learn more of the trade. I figured if I was going to destroy myself I can leave a pretty body and a large body of work that will make people uncomfortable. Of course if you force that goal to make people uncomfortable it’s shit, you have to let it flow out. It’s like a little proverb a kid told me a few years back when I taught munchkins art. “Arting is like a fart If you have to force a fart it’s going to be shit.” That’s beside the point I’ve gotten off track. As everything is being unearthed the old skeleton in the closet bounces on my chest. One day I’ll confront it, I made it this far so what would be the point to ignore it again? It can only go both ways now.

This might as well be a novella at this point; I’ll cut myself short before I go deeper into the rat hole and level up into an even greater melodramatic cunt.

The rubberneck store will have the discount special until October. The code is on the front page and there might be a few knick knacks coming up, but I’m more focused on getting rid of the ratskull necklace since that was an event making it. Waiting for the flesh to rot away, cleaning gnarled fur and bleaching it. It was fun and hopefully it can decorate someone’s neck. 

Store: http://rubberneck.storenvy.com/

Things have been looking up with a huge hiccup within family life, I have a show in November I’m beginning to worry about because ideas have been going around, I wanted to have nothing but animals with human heads, but that changed. It’ll come so I really shouldn’t fret too much. I'm training to be docent for a secrtion in the MFAH so that's pretty neat. Cool stuff it coming this way, I’m going to attempt to put up a story in a similar fashion of the Abby series, or I’ll put them in the art portal if I can’t figure out the programing. I thought about bringing her back, but the story has changed and the original scripts are long gone. Putting an old story with outdated ideas is shit. Thanks for all the support and what not, you all are very good people. Have a nice week. :)

If you're curious about the comic I mentioned you can see the cover where the arrow is!

Okay, goodbye! Thanks for reading!

After a good while going to different doctors, I was finally discharged from the doctors! I didn't need another injection thankfully, and the other doctor's office said I was about 80% and there wasn't a real need for me to go there. It's okay so I though I'd do a promo code for the Rubberneck store. Enter "neckb0nes" in the store and you can get 12% off your stuff because why not. Also I just really need to clear some space and want to get rid of a good chunk of my things before the end of the year. The promo will end in a month so yea happy times.

Store:http://rubberneck.storenvy.com/

The lovers shirts are still there and i'd love to have them a home. there 3 whites left and 2 black ones left too. sizes are in the store

Couple of things didn't pan out the past few weeks, but I have people saying it's all going to be fine, or as doors close more open. I'm not sure if it's lack of sleep or my problem of detaching myself from situation/emotions that's causing me to not care. I think it's because most of my dreams have been filled with screaming. I talked to a few people and a good amount said they were never able to hear sounds, or having something so visually loud that a good 8 hours of sleep didn't do jack shit. They're getting too intense. One dream had my jaw clamped shut, and sometimes the right side would chatter. It was very difficult to open my mouth and it looked like my mouth was disapearing. The colors were too strong and the numb feeling I get with my teeth in dreams was orgasmic. it gets too much and i think i'm grinding my teeth when i sleep. it gets to a point where i don't want to sleep. it's weird and i think why a lot of my work has people with crooked teeth.

a good friend's birthday is today. happy birthday to them, happy birthday happy birthday. Hope it's a good one with lots of booze and an avoidence of personal crisises.

everything's going to be fine, goodnight hope you all stay safe and thank you for you very kind reveiws of my stuff. be safe you all. :)

I haven't been pain free since early march, the birds are screaming and my veggie arden bear delicious tomatoes and green bell peppers.

I got approved for the neck shot about a week ago, and just a few days ago had it done. They put a neddle in my hand and the next thing i remember was my ass in a wheelchair going towards the car where my sister had to drive me home. I ended up rambling about coffee and sleeping. I don't remember getting dressed, that concerns me but whatever it's easier to function and i'm going through post injection therapy now. There's a possibility i might be dischartged in a few weeks. I rather not go for another injection personally but we'll see. though the first few sdays felt like some 300 pound muscleman had his hands around my throat like those choke sex acts. It hurt to turn, but nothing bad happened.

The semester's finished and I decided to update the store with 2 new woodblocks with the bigheads. Why not they were to much fun to do so the hell with it they're for sale.

You casn find them here: http://rubberneck.storenvy.com/

art blog is still here so here's the link. it's starting to become so fucking angsty. angst isn't hot unless you're like 110 pounds with a short pixie cut and look like alice glass, or something like that.

http://ruberneck.tumblr.com/

oh yea i linked my skype name here for shits n giggles, but I've gotten porno skags wantin to see my flapjack tits or wip out their wangs so if you're trying to add me on skype or want to please pm me so i know you ain't some creeper. thanks a tons. :)

Ever have a dream tell you the work you produce is all meaningless? How insane is that? Once that phrase is said enough it never goes away. I swear those fucking dreams need this if it ever had a soundtrack..

i caught myself using things to escape again, i don't want another relapse like 2 years ago so i have these STOK espresso shots to keep me up, or i'll listen to some stupid LP's of vidya game nerds. It's stupid that i'm afraid to sleep and dream shit that makes me anxious anfd panic. it's stupid i'm in my fucking 20's not some dumbshit teenie weenie jr.

Those usually prevent dreams. I'm hoping that feeling will go away when I hear back from these project row house people. it's a residency a professor set me up with, just waiting to see if it's a yay or nay. it would look good on a gradschool resume. conflicted stuff and wondering if i should do a double masters. i have no clue and sometimes i'd rather lay on the traintracks and let the hamhock legged vultures pick at my fat carcass. But thanks a lot of you all's support you're all really cool and what not. so many spelling mistakes i dont have the energy to correct the so i'll end this here. bye bye. how you all have a good weekend.

Went to get an MRI done almost 2 weeks ago and didn't realize how banged up I was from the accident. I have a herniated disk in the base of my neck that juts out 3mm. Explains all the pain and headaches, which also means a trip to pain manegment next week and making sure this thing doesn't screw me over. I got to keep the pics so here's a shitty pic of my brain and neck bones.

There's going to be some new stuff heading to the rubberneck store so keep an eye out on that too. I'm working on a rat skull necklace so what's that's done I'll be putting up pics of that here and whatnot.

Rubberneck Store

The art tumblr is still up too, though I've been real awful with updating that but it's there. Keep an eye out on that too cause some stories about some work is gonna be up there soon.

Art Blog

You should also check out my friend's page too. He's working on a really nifty game called Bad Taste. There's more info on his ng page and it looks really cool.

Also thanks a bunch for that front page earlier this month. Really made my week that time. That and actually getting some free shit from an undergrad show for "Best in Show" was relly nice and a turnaround for me. Blah Blah Blah sentimental shit. This is the painting that got the stupid best in show. Everyone thought it was a porno version of dante's inferno with a 20 year old couple. close enough haha.

Hope you all are doing good and I'm heading off. Keep an eye out on the store. Ok bye love you all.

So the first woodblock out of the three I posted ( I think) last week It's up at the store since the booklet that goes with the block is finished. There's going to be three more blocks with different nephilum, each will come with their own little booklet that gives a mini backstory. There's going to be a few new iteams too that i made while in the studio so check them out!

Store--->http://rubberneck.storenvy.com/

Good news too. I got the O.K. from the doctor to drive again, but I still can't lift heavy stuff. There's some muscle issues on my back and some pressure on the lower vertabrae but at long as physical therapy goes well it'll all be okay.

I listened to a colleague of mine and made a separate tumblr for my art and whatnot. On my main one I post too many pics of porn and SSBBW women and my face so I'd rather have the anoynmous thing going on so in spawned the art blog.

http://ruberneck.tumblr.com/

Most of it right now is reposts of older shit and WIPs of recent work and other photos of stuff that'll be in the store. There's gonna be a more in depth talk of why i draw certain things. A good chunk of the older work was done when i was 250 pounds with a serious crisis going on and drinking nyquil like it was water. Stupid times but they brought out a lot of work as I was struggling to find myself 2011-2012. The blog looks like shit, but that's the whole point. Making cool shit so cool it's not so shitty anymore.

You're all so very cool except the one fan I lost. I kid I kid maybe it's cause they think the pic of the fat lady is me haha. Ok bye everyone you're all very good and I hope your weekend is nice.

So I spent my week off from university recovering at home from some guy who rear ended me so bad I blacked out and ended up going to the hospital for a few hours. I'm okay besides some whiplash, not being able to remember much after I got hit, and some gnarly headaches, but my car's a total loss and some CD's are long gone. Crushed into oblivion. There's a lot going down on my end legally, but it's going to work out. Being hit was like having some autistic kid shaking a pinball machine until something breaks.

The hospital wan'ted me to take muscle relaxers and pain meds, I ended up taking these monster sized pain meds that helped with the pain, but made a lot of things emotionally worse. On that level a bunch of things happened, I've been in the house for a week trying to recover and sleeping until 5 or 6 in the afternoon. I can't drive yet, nor excersise/lift heavy things until i get an O.K. from the doctor. It made be a bit neurotic and giving me this trapped feeling. It's something that hasn't happened since 2012, and I began to pull the same isolation crap too. Combined with the meds someone real close took the brunt of that. I hope I didn't wreck anything, but after I stopped taking those pain meds and switched to advil things are clearing up and I think it's all going to be ok. Things fall to place, I just need to remember that. I need to follow the advice my friends give me. Maybe tape it on a wall like those stupid cat posters.

With that for the next 2 weeks any orders placed now will be delayed a bit because of all this bru ha ha. You'll get your stuff, but it'll just be a little slower. You know you think you have everything planned, then either something real good or really messed up happens and you almost have to start from scratch. Luckily people have been understanding and this whole mess will be done soon. It's the 4th time I've been hit in this state it's insane! People here can't drive well!

Anyway I thank both you all and freinds who're sticking by me despite some of the stupid shit I've pulled. You all are great. Look out on my storenvy for some new stuff I photographed on the 6th.  One of them is a large shadow man. I had to use one of my colleages body for this one.

Store-->http://rubberneck.storenvy.com/

Love you all, bye.